Getting Into a New Style: You Only Got One Shot

Hey everyone! If the meme title hasn't already driven you away, welcome. Today I'm going to be talking about some recent insight I had relating to alternative fashion. If you don't already know who Safia Nygaard is, I highly recommend checking out her youtube (but pls cone back afterwords), since she's the one who sparked the inspo for this post.

So for those of you who don't know about her, Safiya Nygaard is a youtuber who makes a lot of experimental videos, such as melting lipsticks together, buying from questionable online brands, and trying fashions that aren't hers. The latter is the inspiration for this post. One of the things Safiya is known for is trying out different styles, whether it be dressing up like other popular youtubers, trying different decade's fashions, or trying alternative fashions, she does it all! I've watched her videos for years and these type of videos were always my favorites, but it didn't click until recently when I rewatched her Lolita fashion makeover what made her style experiments different from my own: She goes all in. And I could definitely take a page from her book.

So what does that mean, going all in when trying a style? In Safiya's case it means doing research in the style or styles she plans to represent, finding an expert in that style, and buying and wearing an entire outfit (or outfits) to wear for a video. Needless to say the majority of you reading this probably aren't Youtubers, but there's still a lot to learn from this format, even if you aren't making outfits for Youtube videos or instagram posts.

#1: Research!
The first thing anyone should do when going into a new fashion is research. What are the main aspects that sets this style apart from others? Are there different substyles? Start a pinterest board, folder on your phone or computer, or a list and start taking note of what makes that style. For example, bell shaped skirts, soft lace and ruffles, and bows are some of the key aspects of Lolita fashion. Predominantly black clothing, detailing, and extravagent or edgy hair are key points for Goth fashion.

For substyles of a larger fashion whole, what makes them stand out from each other? Since Goth fashion is such a huge umbrella term, let's use that as an example. The points I used above when describing it are so vauge because there's so many different styles, it's hard to pinpoint specific details and say 'oh yeah, all Goth fashion has _____.' Romantic Goth has softer silhoettes, corsets, lace, and an overall dark, dreamy sort of feel, where as Traditional Goth tends to have fishnets, teased hair, and casual clothing with a general 'eff the world' sort of feeling. (I'm not a huge expert on every Goth substyle, so sorry if I'm a bit off in places.) If you're getting into a style that has many different substyles, you should do enough research to be able to tell the difference between them and decide which you like and don't like. Also worth noting is that different eras can count as different substyles, even if they have the same general name. If you wore Lolita fashion from the late 80s and early 90s today and posted in a Lolita fashion group, you'd have a lot of people telling you that it's not Lolita fashion because the style's changed so much over the years it's become it's own substyle or sub-genera.

#2: Find an Expert
Thanks to the ease of using the internet and searching for things online, it's pretty easy to find an expert on many alternative styles. Unfortunately it may be hard to find an individual who will personally walk you through putting together outfits in a style in one go, but there's plenty of blogs and videos out there where people describe what makes a fashion. There's also groups where you can ask for advice on outfits you've put together or are thinking of putting together. If you're still unsure where to go after doing your research on a style, groups like this can be extremely helpful as you don't have to rely on one person in particular to help you.

#3: Buy an Entire Outfit
So this part of Safiya's videos is what really hit me: She always buys and wears a whole, complete outfit, makeup, hair, and all. When I look back at some of my previous outfits and style attempts, I realized that's what I've been missing. I've done pretty much nothing but research, research, and more research to the point of becoming an expert in a lot of styles while simultaneously half-assing my wardrobe and outfits. So I'm basically an expert, but no one would believe me if they saw the way I dressed compared to others who have more extensive wardrobes than me. And this is why I've struggled with feeling like I fit into certain fashions because I didn't always go all in when I wore them.

I recognize we can't all walk into Shibuya 109 or a giant Goth wearhouse and walk out with an entire outfit, hair, and makeup all put together when we start wearing a fashion, and that's fine. If you have the resources to, I highly recommend buying a complete outfit and taking the time to learn how to do proper hair and makeup to go with that style or find someone who can do the hair and makeup for you. If you're unable to, for example, drop $900 on an entire Lolita coordinate in one go, find pieces you like that would make a complete outfit and buy them one by one as you can afford to. If you can DIY or upcycle pieces while still remaining true to the fashion, great! However, what I highly recommend you DON'T do is be like me and buy things just because they're convenient and somewhat fit into the style you're trying to wear. It's a waste of time and money and you're better off just buying the thing you actually want.

Once you have a full outfit, do your hair (or wig) and makeup accordingly and wear it all together. If you end up liking the outfit, but don't want to pursue the fashion further, no worries! It was a learning experience and you can always hang onto the pieces you got and wear them as a whole some other time, you can wear the same thing as many times as you want! If you do like the style, you can use the pieces you have to expand and build a wardrobe that works together. And if you ever decide it's just really not you, you can sell the pieces or give them to a friend who does wear the style.

I hope you guys enjoyed this week's post and that it gives you an "aha" moment if you're struggling with your fashion identity like I am ❤

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Looking to the Past for a Better Future

Hey everyone. Today's post is a bit more... personal than I usually get. We're living in a crazy world right now that can feel hopeless and honestly I've been letting it get to me for a lot longer than I care to admit. So today I'm going to be talking about healing, dreams, and the future. Content warning: Mental illness and vauge mentions of suicidal tendencies

We all had dreams growing up, whether it was a dream of our future career, a dream of a different world, or just a little dream of happiness. As we get older, it's natural for our dreams to change. We're told we need to be realistic with our dreams and we start forming ambitions and goals instead. By the time we're adults, we may even forget what our childhood dreams were, or if we even had any in the first place. When I was growing up, I had dreams, but I kept them secret, even from myself at times, and instead tried to have dreams that were the same as my sister. As I grew older, my real dreams were influenced by my loves, and the dreams I expressed, while sometimes my true dreams, were more and more cries for acceptance. Whenever I did tell my true dreams, I was shut down, told to be realistic, and told they would never happen. I believed what I told, so I took my crumpled dreams and put them away. I locked more and more of myself away the older I got and began to rely on daydreams and escapism to live those "unrealistic" dreams. I put on a mask of who I thought I should be, but I was still rejected, still told I couldn't get things right, that I was a failure. And so I became angry. Angry at everything around me because no matter how hard I tried, it was never enough and I was always second place.

As I got older still and was forced to think about my future, I tried to express my real interests and dreams again. I was told that they weren't any good, that there was no point trying because it wouldn't work, because their dreams didn't work out, so why would mine? So I gave up. I ran away. I joined the very thing I'd been threatened with since I was a teenager. It both ruined my life and gave me an opportunity for a new life. I was moved away from where I grew up, to the complete opposite coast where I was alone and knew no one. I was still in contact with my family and some friends back home, but I was utterly on my own for the first time. I finally had a bit of room to breathe, I thought.

I started to try and define myself, trying on new fashions and old hobbies to see what would stick. But there were even more people telling me to step back into line. I could be whatever I wanted as long as I didn't leave that line. I had even more voices telling me what I needed to do to fit their mold of success, and when I said no, I was punished. And so I got angrier and more frustrated and hopeless. My despair swallowed me up and my life felt meaningless. Luckily I managed to hold on for a bit longer, just long enough to get help. For the first time in my life I was told that I wasn't okay, but that was okay. I was taught coping mechanisms and was able to start thinking critically about my mental health. I got better for a while, and so I stopped making appointments. I thought I'd made it through the worst of things and that I'd be able to cope with things well enough to make it through. But I was wrong.

In 2018, I left the military due to mental health issues that I couldn't resolve while I was enlisted and that wouldn't allow me to work without eventually becoming a statistic. And so they marked me as useless and kicked me out with a gold star for effort. The last two years haven't been a lot better than the four I spent in. I tried to pursue my dreams in the best way I could, but I still lacked real support. I ended up putting my dreams on pause in order to be able to survive. I finally started to make what felt like progress, but then the novel coronavirus COVID-19 came along and closed down just about everything, including my source of income, putting me back in the position I was two years ago, but under even less optimal conditions. I'm not going to lie, it's been extremely rough. But I've had a lot of time. A lot of oportunities to think about what matters the most to me.

And then, something happened. One of my favorite brands, Baby the Stars Shine bright, colaborated with Harajuku Pop to make the At Home Lolita Contest. And I saw one of my dreams again, up for the winning if I entered. And I began to remember my dreams again. I remembered the things that I loved and the things that I replaced them with because I was told that my dreams were unobtainable. And so I took a shakey first step towards reclaiming my dreams. I drew myself in a dream that I want to become a reality. And then I prayed that this dream could become a reality and drew that too. I suddenly started to remember who I wanted to be and what I wanted to do. It's going to be a long path ahead to get there, but I'm on that path now and I see where I'm going.

I hope you all can find your dreams too, whether they're lost or not. ♥
~Butterfly

Artwork by me, do not share or reproduce without permission.

At the time of writing this, the At Home Lolita contest is still underway and winners have not been announced yet. Check out my Twitter to see the results and stay tuned for future posts.

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Building a Wardrobe: Redo

Hello everyone! Who am I and why do I suddenly have things to write about again?! Quarantine and lots of downtime'll do that to ya. So today I wanted to do a bit of a rewind and look back at my Building a Wardrobe series (part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4) that I made back in 2015, five years ago at the time of writing this. While I'm not going to take them down and completely rewrite them....there are a lot of points where I sigh deeply and utter the phrase "Oh you sweet, Summer child," while rereading them and I wanted to do somewhat of an updated recap to build on what I wrote then. Needless to say, I have a lot more experience in J-fashion and life in general than I did then and times be a-changing, so here's a bit of an update on those posts, all in the convenience of one (albeit long) post. Needless to say, if you haven't already, I'd recommend reading the original posts before this one.

So at the time of writing this, I am once again rebuilding my wardrobe, because my style has changed once again. However, this time I've done more research both into the process as well as myself and what I want. One of the more notable repetitions in my original post was budgeting, saving money, and overall not spending money. While this is an important factor to consider, it shouldn't be the main focus when planning out a wardrobe. If you can afford to buy 12 new pieces a month, great! If you can only afford a new piece every three months, also great! As long as you're aware of your budget, you can go through building your wardrobe as quickly or as slowly as you need to. That being said, this is the last time I'll be mentioning budgeting in this post.

Step 1: Maybe Don't Throw Everything Out
So at the time of writing the original articles, I was very much on a Marie Kondo fueled Decluttering high. And I made a lot of decisions I'd come to regret. While the KonMarie method in and of itself isn't necessarily bad, the mentality I had going in was. Rather than focusing on getting rid of pieces you don't deem necessary anymore, start by visualizing the style you want. Whether by writing down key details you like, making pinterest boards, or following people who's style you admire, figure out what you want and what you like. If you're going from tees and jeans to full on Kuro Gyaru, you may not even feel like you have anything to start with. That's fine, we all have to start somewhere. If you already have an established wardrobe and you want to add in a new style, great! This next part should be easier.

Step 2: Start to Define What You Want
Once you have the broad brush strokes of where you want to go, it's time to start defining. Take a look at what you currently have. Does any of it fit with your intended style? If not, this is where my thrift store try-on advice comes in handy. If you already have a color pallet that works for you and you know what sort of cuts and sizes you wear, you can start envisioning your wardrobe by creating wishlists or pulling pieces from your current wardrobe that you can use. If you're starting from Kmart and aiming for Kamikaze Girl levels of lolita burando, you can still look at the items you own and ask yourself what you like about each piece or if it's just there because running around naked is generally frowned upon. You may also want to take into consideration the difference in comfort levels. Lounging in tees and jeans or a simple dress is a lot more comfortable than lounging in three layers of petticoat, a frilly dress that you may or may not actually fit in, and twelve layers of bracelets, bobby pins, and bows. If comfort is a high priority for you, keep the clothes you're comfortable in and look at options that may be better suited to regular wear.

Step 3: Make a Plan for Yourself
One of the biggest differences between my previous wardrobe building and my current wardrobe building experiences has been how I've planned. This video from The Stitchess on Youtube has been a huge help for me. Rather than estimating how many of each item type I should buy, I've made myself a constantly updating table of item types and colors I want for the baseline of my wardrobe. Rather than just window shopping and impulse buying, I go into shopping with a plan. I know what I have in my wardrobe and what I'm lacking and I can build from there. Also, trying on the items you have, whether to wear out or just for practice, you can start to get an idea of where you might have gaps to fill in your wardrobe that you might want to prioritize. As an example, I have a black shirt with mesh detailing in my Larme wardrobe that I've worn a total of once in that style. I determined that it would look best paired with pink strapped dress on top as that's a common duo in many of the Larme snaps I've seen. Since I don't currently have such a dress, I've been keeping an eye out for one to purchase. All of the other pieces I currently have can be paired several different ways, so I'm less concerned with adding other basics in.

Step 4: Build With Confidence
Once you get the hang of things, you should be able to confidently go out and purchase items you want and need for your wardrobe. If you're delving into a whole new style, make sure to do your research on what pieces would best fit you and your style. Don't be affraid to experiment and try new things. I bought my first Liz Lisa OP the other day knowing I could very well be turning right around and selling it. I learned a lot from it about that brand's sizing and I never would have known that I can wear LL pieces if I hadn't taken that first step into the unknown. Likewise, I had a lot of trial and error with other pieces in the past that gave me a better idea of what measurements I should be looking for on different styles of clothing. One of the best ways to learn is through experience and you only get experience if you're willing to take slight risks. (That being said, don't buy from Millanoo, kids. ;) )

I hope you guys enjoyed this updated perspective. Let me know in the comments how you built your wardrobes!

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